nuttycrunch's Journal

11:39pm: Obnoxious update

School is out (as of yesterday) and work is done (as of today).  I'm excited to have very little planned until my trip to England toward the end of July....

Quin should become my legal nephew sometime in August.  He's been a part of the family since his birth in February and I've seen him several times already, but it will be nice to have it all legal.  He's a beautiful baby.

I'm hoping to actually "do" something (cook more?  write more?) this summer but have yet to come up with a plan.  

And for a little TMI, I had my prostate checked for the first time ever yesterday.  Not so fun, and the doctor kept apologizing and saying, "This is so obnoxious...".  I told her I was sorry she had to do it, and she said, "I mean for you.  It's so obnoxious for you."  It wasn't really all that bad, though. 

10:53pm: So....
I am an uncle again.  Quinton was born today at 10:47am.  My brother, his wife and their son got to the hospital around 3pm, and they go back for him on Monday to take him home.  The adoption won't be finalized for several months.  I'm a little nervous to post about this in case something falls through, but I can't really keep this one in....

11:12am: Suicide Soda
Tragedy struck my refrigerator this morning when a can of Diet Coke mysteriously exploded, spilling its contents on my fizzy water, fruit salad, whole wheat bread, condiments and other various edibles.  Apart from the soft drink, no other food items suffered serious injuries.  Foods were temporarily sheltered on countertops (with a few unfortunate items relegated to the floor) while the clean-up crew wiped down the entire inside of the refrigerator with a soapy dishrag.  Authorities can only hypothesize at the cause of the explosion.  The leading theory is that this particular can of Diet Coke was placed toward the top and back of the refrigerator, the coldest spot, and was hidden by taller, less desirable products.  Having been ignored for the better part of a year, the Diet Coke took matters into its own unfortunate can, cracked itself from top to bottom and made its presence known all over the refrigerator.  A more prominent can of Diet Coke was questioned in this morning's explosion, but refused to comment. 

7:28am: Vocabulary studies
When attempting to use the word "columnar" in a sentence (on a written assignment), one of my students came up with the following:

"The whore trade center had a columnar shape." 

5:53am: Pornologic Studies
Yesterday, one of my darling students asked me:  "Do you have to go to college to be a porn star?"  

What do you suppose your major would have to be?

4:56pm: VJJ

One more disturbing incident from today....  As I pulled into the parking lot at work today, I saw the oldest teacher in our school - this Santa Claus-looking older gentleman who never gets my name right - pulling in to a spot near mine.  For whatever reason, I looked at his license plate and noticed that the first three letters were VJJ.  Having heard Oprah recently refer to womanly parts as "vajayjay" (and having heard this term many times over the past few months), I nearly died of humor overload.  

Another woman at work, a butch lesbian and good friend of mine, has a license plate that begins with the letters HET.  My co-workers seem to have a knack for false advertising. 

4:49pm: Hairy
As we were lined up 6th period waiting for the bell to ring, one of my students began petting my arm.  "I like your hair," she said as I pulled my arm away.  

"Really?" I asked, thankful she'd stopped petting me.  "I think I have too much."  

"No, they'd love you in Africa," she replied.  That's where she recently came from, so perhaps she would know. 

"Maybe I should go to Africa, then," I pondered.  The bell sounded and she pet me two more times as if I were a cat. 

"I wish you were my brother..." she said as she walked past me and out the door.  "...because then I could touch it every day!"

12:59am: A very special birthday
Friends,

Please take some time today to wish blubberfatality a happy birthday.  She has reached a new decade!  

Happy birthday, Blub!

9:58pm: Childhood Playmate

I just found out today that a family friend committed suicide back in March.  

I was just three years old when my family left Des Moines for the sticks of west-central Wisconsin.  Despite my young age at the time of the move, I fondly remembered Des Moines throughout my childhood years - and my family kept ties with a few families there.

I watched Dana grow up on Christmas postcards.  Each year, we'd get a new picture of her family.  She was the middle of three girls, and was born just after my family left Des Moines.  I got to spend time with her on a few different occasions.  I remember visiting her family's house when Michael Jackson's Thriller video was all the rage.  Dana's family not only owned a VCR, but they owned the Michael Jackson video as well.  In the early 80's, MTV didn't reach the middle of Wisconsin, so it was a treat when our families sat down to watch Michael turn into a werewolf.  

A couple of years after the Thriller visit, Dana's family visited my family in Wisconsin.  I remember her and her sister teaching me and my brother to play four square in the garage.  We had a fantastic time, and I probably bugged my parents often about when we'd go to Des Moines again.  I don't think it ever happened.  Lots of time passed, kids turned into adults, and Des Moines stopped seeming so glamorous.

Dana's dad called my parents last week and talked with my mom.  He told her that he didn't think this should wait until the Christmas card - Dana killed herself in Las Vegas in March.  She took her policeman-husband's gun, went to a hotel, and ended her life.  She was apparently diagnosed as being bipolar when she was 13, and this wasn't her first attempt. 

The Internet is a wicked and wonderful thing.  After my mom finished telling me about Dana's death, I did a bit of googling and discovered that Dana was a porn actress.  She had a profile on IMDB, and several pictures of her in compromising positions on more questionable websites.  I called my mom back and led her to some pages.  "She looks just like her mom - I mean her face", Mom said of the blonde, 6 foot-tall naked woman.  I later found a bulletin board announcing her death, in which people replied by saying extremely rude things like, "I really feel for her friends and family.  And by the way, does anybody have that video of her taking a dildo up the ass?"  In other circumstances I  might have found that kind of thing funny, but not when it was about someone who I knew when all was innocent.  Not when it was about some poor girl so desparate to die that she'd violently take her own life. 

8:59am: Summer doldrums

The heat has been unbearable, and I've locked myself away like a bald Rapunzel.  I always have such great intentions for my summers off - and then I spend too much of my time mindlessly surfing the web or watching tv.  I'm not down, really - I just realize that I'm not living life to the fullest at the moment.  

I did spend two weeks in England again this summer, which was lovely.  I have wonderful friends there who put me and my friend Danna up, fed us, and generally showed us a nice time.  I got severely addicted to the UK's Big Brother, and still update myself daily on the goings-on in the Big Brother House.  (This week, TWO housemates will be evicted and will face the very pregnant Davina.  Britain does a MUCH better BB than the US, no doubt about it!)

In the summer, my very last thoughts during the school year come to the forefront of my mind.  Instead of, "Oh my God, what am I going to teach today?", the question becomes, "Oh my God, what am I going to have for lunch today?"  My little brain makes the most mundane task feel so huge in the summer - and that doesn't happen when I'm working.  And I've grown intensely lazy.  I blame the heat.

9:01pm: The Cutest Puppy Ever
Baby, my parents' puppy, is the cutest thing ever. That is all.

4:59pm: Awww!
I'm hoping this will put a smile on Aunt SueG's face!

8:32am: This thing holds whiskey!
My aunt bought this creepy thing for my grandparents years ago. My uncle Pete has it at his house now. I love it, but it scares me a little.

11:32am: Day off
I took today off.  Many of the kids are at an amusement park today, so I figured I could show a movie or have a sub do it.  It is a bit strange, though, not being at work and knowing that it's still going on.  I wonder how long it will take this summer until I can relax and stop thinking about school....

7:23pm: 5 powerful words

I was thinking of assigning my students to decide what, to them, are the five most powerful words.  Of course, swearing is not allowed - and I'd like to stick with English.  So, your words?

5:42am: The Other Me
I'm not sure when it happened the first time or where it's coming from, but there's a disturbed Southern man living inside of me.  His name is Charles, and he talks to my students sometimes.  He talks with all of his top teeth exposed - his upper lip tucked firmly away.  His eyes stare straight up at the ceiling generally, but when he tries to look my students in the eye, he can sometimes look at their foreheads.  

Some of the students are afraid of Charles and run around the Black Box begging for me to come back.  Others are much cooler about the situation and help me to further develop him.  One student in particular has really taken to Charles.  She never asks for him specifically, but she always gets a huge smile on her face as soon as my upper lip disappears. 

Charles has two major concerns in life.  One, he has lost his dog.  Some students are gracious enough to help him look for Peanut being that his eyes have a difficult time focusing on the ground.  Two, his car has run out of gas and he refuses to fill up at Holiday stations.  He has an SA card, so that's where he goes. 

7:56am: Still Good

My dad and I took the puppy up to the hospital to visit my mom on Sunday morning.  The puppy isn't allowed into the actual hospital rooms, so I held on to her in the entry/waiting area while Dad wheeled Mom out.  Mom was in her bathrobe, her broken leg stretched out in front of her wrapped tighter than a Chipotle burrito.

Dad, who runs the hospital, doesn't really like to go visit Mom that much because it makes him feel like he's at work.  On the other hand, he feels as comfortable there as at home.  He lay down on one section of chairs while Mom and her puppy spent some time cuddling.  I sat across from Mom, taking up only one chair.

"Have you ever seen Mad TV?" my mother asked us.  I indicated that I had, and my Dad didn't say anything.  The hospital receptionist sat about 20 feet from our conversation, obscured from our sight by her cubicle walls.  "This morning it was so funny," Mom continued.  "They did a parody of the Love Connection, and the fake Chuck Woolery asked this couple how they'd spent their date.  They said, 'We ate, but not like the kind of eating you typically do on a date.'"  As Mom continued her MadTV/oral sex story, Dad sat up and laughed.  I tried to bend my neck around to see if the receptionist was listening to our typical Sunday morning family conversation.

Later, Mom and I made plans for me to take the leftover potato salad back to Minnesota to dispose of it so Dad wouldn't know that we threw it out.  They have different ideas about what is "still good."  

I had some alone time with Mom later in the day.  We watched "Everyday Italian" on the Food Network and commented on how Giada always wears tight-fitting, breast exposing shirts - and how she can't possibly eat very much of the food she makes.  Next up was "Barefoot Contessa".  Ina was making a supper box for her lesbian friend, who in turn was making her an herb garden in a box.  I can't remember specific details of the conversation we had about that show, but you can probably fill in the blanks. 

3:12pm: Home again....
I'm at my parents' again. This time, my mother is in the hospital. She had surgery on her leg on Thursday and needs to stay hospitalized for the antibiotic IV she's got.

I'm a bit worried about one of my students. He revealed to me that he wanted to follow in the footsteps of those who shot up Columbine. Thankfully, he did this in writing first, which was helpful in getting him help. He went to the ER the next day with the school cop, and I haven't seen him in a few days now. I did see him in a dream, in which he went psycho on my teacher ass. Let's just hope this was only a dream and not a prophecy.

8:21pm:

I've been reprimanded twice TODAY for not writing in my journal anymore.  I am sorry to my public! 

My mother broke her leg in three places in Mexico two days ago.  It's basically shattered, and she'll be in a cast for months.  She's quite upset.  On top of that, she may also have a cracked hip.  It sounds like she's in for more than one surgery. 

I'd been sick for a couple of weeks, but that seems to have gone away as of yesterday.  I'm feeling slightly less out of it, but am still a bit unsure which end is up at times.  I drove into a street the other day thinking it was still part of the parking lot I was coming out of.  If a car would have been coming, I wouldn't have seen it. 

 

 

 

 

8:51pm: Phone call
I just spent 50 minutes on the telephone with a friend of a friend whom I had never met. She called me up out of the blue, identified herself, and then started asking me questions as if she were going to write a personal ad for me. It was very, very bizarre, but also very sweet. She claims to know ALL of the gay men in the area, and encouraged me to call her again when I was ready to meet someone. Oh, and she had an accent that sounded like a combination of British and Australian, but it turns out she is from Zimbabwe.

Even by my standards, that was a RANDOM call!!! Also very, very nice, though.

12:00pm: Last weekend, I had to share a room with my 3 year-old cousin John. Before he went to bed, I asked him, "Do you snore?" He answered immediately, "I don't know how yet."

* * *

Not much in a journaling mood these days, but I've been in a fine mood the past couple of days. I'm not particularly in the holiday spirit, but am glad to have a couple of weeks off work. I'm starting to feel like a human being, which is good. I love my job, but I definitely need a break from it now and again.

In case I don't journal again before then, Happy Holidays to all.

7:30pm: From an E-mail to a friend....
I had a dentist appointment last night, and my hygienist insisted on telling me her life story, including when she lost her virginity and how she feels about duck hunting!

* * * * *

Work was interesting today. I "counseled" one boy who told me that he is going to be a father. He's 16, and his girlfriend is 15. I think I'm the only adult he has told so far. After I was done with him, one of my female students decided it was her turn for a counseling session. In telling me the background of whatever the problem is (which I still cannot figure out), she told me that she honestly practices voodoo at home, and that she took a butcher knife and wounded a man who was trying to hurt her a year ago. She ended up in a juvenile detention center for it. My students have such dramatic lives!

9:57am: One Good Class
I've had one week now of having one excellent class. It's my Theater II class, and we've been writing monologues based on parent-child conflicts. Some of the ideas that come out of their writing are heartbreaking, and would probably make for good Theater. One girl essentially wrote a piece about a girl getting raped and then lying to her parents so that they wouldn't make her marry the man. One kid wrote about sex being the alternative to getting attention from your parents. Another girl wrote really well about her parents' eyes, and how she sees anger and hatred where she once saw love and safety. I'm in love with this class!

Having one good class changes how I feel about my days. I had at least one good class (and sometimes two) every quarter last year. This year, I started off with so-so classes being as good as it got. So this quarter, at least so far, I'm feeling much better about my job. I don't need the whole day to go perfectly, but I do need that one group to really look forward to. It could be all over by this coming week. People go nuts around the holidays. But at least I know I've got potential to feel extremely rewarded in my job again.

8:58pm: After having a down week last week, I was relatively up this week at school. I don't have a clue why this was, and how I can make sure I stay that way....

I haven't been feeling "posty" lately. I just have no idea what to write about sometimes....

I wish I knew my students could get by in life simply by being "nice people". They really aren't all that bad, most of the time. But the level is so low for some of them. It's baffling.

7:54am: Merry November 5th!!!
If my ears heard correctly last night, one of the local radio stations has begun exclusively playing Christmas music and vows to do so until the end of the holiday season. Aren't we about three weeks early for this? Television commercials are beginning the onslaught of holiday commercials as well. Whatever happened to the holiday season beginning the day after Thanksgiving???